September Grieves

Well, I’ve seem to have done it again and put off writing. I am sitting on an outdoor patio of the hospital after getting some labs drawn earlier this morning, and listening to whatever hits this playlist I’ve found. I haven’t been feeling too great and was hesitant to the hospital because I finally got my appointments scheduled 3 months apart, which was a huge milestone. I’m learning not to be so stubborn about it.

I’m in a big transitional season of life, or so it feels. September always has that effect. There’s so much nostalgia and I bask in this sense of newness, but there’s a lot to let go of. I recently started a new part time job, my daughters are in school and I restarted therapy. This is the first time doing virtual therapy, and it’s pretty intensive because there’s a lot of time invested throughout the week.

This month brings up so many emotions for me, and I find that a lot of them are tied to living in Oklahoma. It sounds silly to miss a place so much, but it was the place I was raising my babies and had my chosen family and so much life was lived. I was driving the other day, and the song “Oklahoma City” by ZB came on and I hear the lyrics “Is it the goodbyes that haunt you or the fear of new hellos?” If you know me at all, you know it doesn’t take much at all to have me in tears. I’m still grieving so many pieces of my life and this happens to be a big part of it. There’s a handful of friends I was raising my daughters alongside them and I feel like I’ve lost that, even though I now have my family in my hometown.

There is no doubt that God has been in all of the details that got me and my family here. Healing is happening, and I’m witnessing it daily. I’ve made it my goal to be intentional about fighting for my best self, so I can show up for the ones I love. I hope that’s always apparent.

A thought crossed my mind the other day, and it has stayed with me.

- Flowers grow within us, and sometimes they wilt -

I just need to keep showing up, and it’s not always going to be perfect.

As always, if you’re here, thanks for your love and support 🤍